Your Boy Needs You!
Hello wonderful subscriber!
My name is Babatunde, otherwise known as Tunde, Babz, Baba. A somewhat different message today coming from the behind-the-scenes, and least vocal member of the clan! I was tasked with writing my first ever blog on this great platform as Sonia my wife has been gently nudging me to drop a few words.
So… here it goes; unscripted, unplanned, off the cuff (I write this after 9pm with wrinkly, baggy, sleepy eyes. Lol) my first blog is (as you might have guessed) on the minefield of being a “youngish” father. I have always preferred the word “father” as opposed to “Dad” as I tend to think it sounds like it has more clout. Not sure if it is that or just the famous line from the classic Star Wars movies that is so drilled in me.
So, fatherhood – what is it? One thing for sure is that the few articles I read on fatherhood prior to having our son did not at all prepare me for the reality. But then again, what does prepare you? One thing that is guaranteed to be good advice to any father-to-be is to somehow save any energy reserves for fatherhood as you will need this and MORE!
Fatherhood is a stretching, patience testing part of life, which fortunately has loads of rewards and lots of sacrificial moments. It is fair to say that mothers are the main parents who take the brunt of parenting. However, fathers must at times dig a bit deeper to have these sacrificial moments, which mothers are so used to because of their nature given gifts e.g. maternal instincts, deep intuitions etc.
You might know what I mean, for instance, the way mums always and seamlessly bond with a child, speak to their child, cradle a child. It seems to be a known fact that fathers tend to spend less time with their children and is quite a common reality that fathers often play with their kids in shorter bursts of time than mothers do (see 'Raising Boys by Design'). We tend to have work or issues on our minds, which possibly cuts off our ability to be there in the moment.
Nonetheless, one benefit working from home has given me is the ability to spend more quality time with our son, who is one that will never turn it down, which means I am wilfully and delightfully sacrificing lunch breaks, short naps to ensure his play tank is constantly full and overflowing. Perhaps one of the biggest lessons one learns by being a parent is the ability to learn how to constantly make sacrifices for those we love.
This in turn also has such a positive effect on me as the more time I spend with him, the more I learn from him; the more I pour into him, the more I grow. Even at four years old, he teaches me how to be a better husband as he constantly compliments his mother when I should be doing it. I guess life has an interesting way of teaching us great lessons through our children and in many ways. So, as we all live our lives, may we have the understanding that a life lived full of sacrifices is more worthy than a life lived without.
Wishing you a good and restful Easter!
Gregory J Lantz and Michael Gurian, Raising Boys by Design: What the Bible and Brain Science Reveal About What your Son Needs to Thrive, Waterbrook Multnomah, 2013